Kelly (mspotamus) wrote,
Kelly
mspotamus

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i'd rather be sleeping

Last night a former director of mine and man whose opinion I highly respect told me that he thought I could really make it in professional theatre. I had pretty much given up on any fantasies about acting as a career, and when he said it my first reaction was, "Oh god. Don't tell me that." He said he'd seen me act circles around a lot of Equity actors he'd known, and I just. Ughh. It's something I've always wanted to do, and I'd finally come to terms with the simple reality of not being good enough.

Everything feels really quiet and almost painfully autumn today. I'm sitting here in my bathrobe and wrapped in a quilt, listening to Grouper's Dragging a Dead Deer Up a Hill on repeat, feeling pretty content but also nostalgic. I really need to kick the nostalgia. It's a bad habit.

Michael and I got into an argument last night because I told him he wasn't as empathetic as he thinks he is, and then he called me a sociopath and said that my friends wouldn't like me if they "knew the real me." We've both apologized since then but his words keep lingering with me. I can't seem to shake them. Maybe he's right. I don't know.

I'm going to the birthday party of a friend of a friend tonight. Let's hope that's a good time and lifts my spirits a little.

x
Tags: irl
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